you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
