I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
