You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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