And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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