i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I need to stop coming to work sober
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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