Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
