is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
