nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
