Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
