there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
