I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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