we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
