just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
