I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need a beard to bite.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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