Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
