so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
