Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
