No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
