i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
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