Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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