I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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