She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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