i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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