I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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