it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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