There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
