i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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