five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
