You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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