I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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