I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
