I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
