Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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