3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
