Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
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