i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
