Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
