oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am one with the molecules
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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