It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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