Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
