So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
