Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
