My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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