You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
