So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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