Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
