ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
