do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
