There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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