have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
