Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
