her vagine was all disorganized.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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