Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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