If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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