I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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