meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
