it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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