You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
