I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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