I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
