Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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