"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
