i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
