some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
